Wednesday, May 04, 2005

I love this time of night, when I feel good, and things feel right

Have you ever noticed that when fun comes a knockin, you're always in? No? Neither have I. But I wish I was because there's only so much fun to be had and if we don't all grab our share of it then we'll be truly fucked. I mean, god bless those gentle folk who live lives of complete boredom so that there is more fun out there for the rest of us. It is my fear, and I would expect that of many others, that I will one day accidentally become one of these people. As blessed be as I would be for sacrificing my fun quota for the good of the people, what would I do with my spare time? Maybe I would just sit down and tell people about it. Via the internet perhaps. Oh shit, maybe I am one of those poor motherfuckers.

See, that's why I was dubious about this whole blog thing in the first place. Blog. What kind of name is that? I don't know what it means and I really don't fucking care. It sounds stupid. Isn't it better to have a shortened name that sounds good but is made up of ridiculous words. Like NASA for example. National Aeronautics and Space Administration. So national is fair enough, but the rest is a bit pointless. I would have called it Space Bitches or something, but I guess SB isn't even an acronym in anyway so it's a good thing that I’m not in charge of the space program. Of any country. Wouldn't flying in space be good though? We should all go to space and be allowed the fun of showering in zero gravity. That’s got to be motherfucking crazy. They send apes, so why not me? I’m pretty hairy most of the time. I’ll pull the correct levers in return for peanuts. I somehow don’t think that anyone who could help is listening. Or if they are, I doubt they care.

Just like when you are on the phone to any company that has screwed you over. Although that might be individual to me, as other people seem to get refunds and shit. We had to send our girlfriends over to get us extra cheese in our burgers the other day. We told them that it was our first couples competition. How naïve! We were working as a team! Ho hum. It was just laziness so that we could get them to get us the burgers. Or at least that’s what I think now, after we were made fun of by our women for being too afraid to ask for cheese. At the end of the day I didn’t care really, I’ll just do anything for a slice of cheese

Someone told me today that what I did for my last birthday was stupid. Stupid is as stupid does I suppose. I remember in Amsterdam once, smoking 20 Marlboro red that we found all at once using an elastic band to hold them together. Oh no, that's right, it was 19 Marlboro Red and a Benson, because it was the Benson that really fucked me up. Now that was stupid. Now that I’ve reached that level of stupidity, I don't think I can pass it. It's like, because I’ve been hit by so many cars, I don't believe that one will kill me, as it would have happened by now.

What was I talking about again? Oh yeah fun. Freakishly Unusual Nights. I love them. I listen for that knock every night. It’s better than the sound of an ice cream van. I just had ice cream. I wish I could have some more. But I can’t, or I’ll have freaky dreams. Apparently. Or is that cheese? No it can’t be cheese. Cheese is too good to have side effects.


Anonymous fred said...

they weren't slices of cheese, it was a cheese sauce.

9:45 AM  
Anonymous fred said...

haha i just noticed the strap on your homepage - "It's about loads of different motherfucking shit like you wouldn't fucking believe you bastard" haha

9:47 AM  
Blogger Dee said...

I find it hard to believe that out of 20 fags, it was the 1 benson that fucked u up, over the 19 malrboro reds. now i like my cigarettes, but i dont think i could even smoke 19 marlboro reds in my lifetime

11:03 AM  
Blogger Dee said...

and dont pretend it was a conspiracy to get us to get u burgers, cos we were already geting them for u, cos we are very nice girlfriends (read 'mugs'). A simple thank you would have been better.
One day we'll tell you bout the boyfriend olympics me and kathy have got going.

11:06 AM  
Anonymous fred said...

yeah, and one day i might flush your cat down the toilet. followed by all the items of clothing you have of the pink persuasion.

or i might just take a wizz in your washing machine.

or sellotape your front door shut from the outside. actually, might save that one for your sister...

2:57 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home