Friday, May 13, 2005

Missing the point

So it's actually Friday the 13th now, so time to stop, reflect and maybe watch lots of horror films. Or something like that. Though not the Nightmare on Elm Street series as I’m still a little terrified of that bastard. I know it’s not reasonable, as he is basically a man with a pizza on his face, but when I was about 8 I watched all 5 films in the same day. Made me feel ill. But as I was watching it with my little friends and my brother, I didn’t wanna look like a sissy so I stayed and watched the whole lot. Gave me nightmare’s for years. Although I saw Freddy vs Jason the other day and that was pretty funny, so maybe I’m over it. Or maybe I just missed the point.

Like it seems that everyone else did with Billy Elliott. Now I never wanted to see that fucking film, let’s get it straight from the start, but everyone kept telling me how great it was. How it was really touching and how I shouldn’t judge it before I saw it. So when it came on tv one day and I was too lazy to change channel I watched. In horror. It’s not touching. It’s the story of one selfish little gay boy who ruins his families life so that he can be a dancer. How touching. If it was a little girl everyone would call her a spoilt little bitch, but as it was a little boy it was sweet. Apparently.

Just like that film the Full Monty. That wasn’t funny. It was depressing. Those poor out of work northerners who are forced to degrade themselves for money as they’re living in a economically stagnant area. Once again, if it had been about fat and old women stripping, instead of men it wouldn’t have been considered a comedy. It would have been considered shit.

I suppose the knife cuts both ways though. If Karate Kid 4 had been made with a boy instead of a girl then maybe it would have been good. Or maybe not. The special move in that film is dancing, so it never really stood a chance. Plus it would have cast a shadow of Mr Miyagi’s sexuality once again. At university I repeatedly heard the theory that Mr Miyagi’s relationship with Daniel-san was less than wholesome. I mean, he does say “Daniel-san, you complete me” but still, he’s a legend and therefore not a paedophile.

Maybe that’s Michael Jackson’s main line of defence. I hope not. It came out in court the other day that he used to make Bubbles help with the cleaning. He should go to jail for that if nothing else. Poor monkey bastard. All he wants to do is eat banana’s and pee in his own mouth, but no! Celebrity chimps lives just aren’t as glamorous as we think. Just ask Pamela Anderson. She refused to have a monkey in her new sitcom, as she knows how badly they get treated when they retire and demanded a robot instead. I want to make some sort of joke about silicon, but I really can’t be bothered.

So I’ll make this one instead. What’s the strongest fruit? The Sat Sumo.



Anonymous Fre' T. said...

wow, thanks j-bird! i always thought grapes were the strongest and as such was deadly affraid of them.

12:16 PM  
Blogger Justin said...

you still shouldn't underestimate a grape. according to the waitrose health and safety video they are responsible for a lot of deaths.

4:20 PM  
Anonymous fre' said...

well, thats because they always hang around in gangs.

11:53 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home