You can never go back

Hey kids, it’s been a while, what with this whole ongoing story thing, but it’s over now, so I’m back goddamnit! So many things I wanted to say but couldn’t because I just wanted to get that stupid story finished. And now I’ve forgotten it all! Fucking typical. It’s just like that time that I…. uh…. well sometime anyway.

So what have I been up to then…well I went to Green Day in Milton Keynes. That was pretty fucking wicked. Except for the fact that I whiteyed pretty much solely through the power of that great big fucking ball of fire in the sky. But I perked up just before they came on and it was great. Milton Keynes bowl is a surprisingly nice venue. It’s like a stadium, but it doesn’t feel man-made because of the lack of seats. I suppose the stage doesn’t exactly look natural, but then I think if Green Day had played up a tree it might distract people from their actual performance. Hmm. What does Green Day mean anyway? Anyone know? It sounds like something to do with drugs, but I have a strong feeling that’s not right.

Milton Keynes must have loved this weekend. They’ve probably never had so many people come to Milton Keynes and stay that long. Or more precisely, they’ve probably never had that many happy to people come to Milton Keynes for so long. Although I wasn’t happy going there. I swore to myself last time that I would never go back, and I hadn’t even intended on going there in the first place that time.

You see I was up visiting some friends in sunny Manchester, and as is common practice, we got really fucking drunk on the last night I was there. Or maybe just I did. Well I can’t remember anyway, but the point is that when I left the next day I was motherfucking hungover like a bitch. And it was hot. FUCKING HOT. Just like Saturday was. It was like sun suddenly realised it was made out of fire and thought that it should try and evaporate all the water in the solar system, just in case. So I got to the train station barely alive and climbed onto the supposedly fast train that my friends had told me to take instead of the slow comfy ass virgin train.

So this train was all fucked up from the start and was baking it’s passengers inside like discount ready made meals. Been using a lot of similies today. Or is it metaphors? Anyway, after this train taking an extra 2 hours to get pretty much nowhere, we were finally told that we had broken down and were stuck at Milton Keynes and that on an unrelated note, there had been a minor derailment nearby so there would be no trains leaving from Milton Keynes either. So I ran out of the train, trying to get into the fresh air at last before trying to figure out just what the fuck I would do. But the air wasn’t fresh, and there was no outside because I was swept up with the masses of people towards the un-air conditioned coaches they had scraped together for us. I was just about on the bus when I thought I’d see if a friend would save my life, because if anything is gonna kill my motherfucking ass, it’s the heat. My blood is too thick for hot climates. He he.

Luckily I had one of the nicest things ever done to me happen that day, and I was saved by Dee who came and picked me up. Of course it did take her like 2 hours to get there because I was making her drive from Chiswick to Milton Keynes, so I was stuck there for fucking hours, dying a really pathetic death. So after they carted my carcass home, I swore I’d never go back. But then I did go back, and the same thing happened. Maybe Milton Keynes is sunny all year round.