Monday, August 22, 2005

No snooze for the wicked

I roll from my slumber to my feet and reach my arms up through the world. Oh glorious day runs all over me as I pull together my public persona. The warmth of light rolls me through thoughts and thoughts of where to go and who to be. But then dawn breaks once more inside my head and I realise that work is where I must go and work is who I must be. I feel hot and weary and angry and annoyed. Why must I work? I care not for most of the things money can buy so why must I spend so much of my time in the pursuit of it? I am human and alive! A joyous thing to be and a lucky thing to feel. Oh why do we make this game we must play all that we are? Fun is always fun, but games are not for some. I try to ignore the rules that are set, so I think instead of going to work, I’ll go back to bed instead. My smile sadly sings to the heavens and my eyes close as I slide my protection from the world to the floor. I feel the sun on my skin and smile for its hot sting now feels like the faded grace of a defeated enemy, comforting me with its humility. Its welcoming hand now called true night, day slips away behind my sheets as I do. My head rests on my most comfortable friends and I hide from the world under the hope and protection of my duvet. I close my eyes tighter in a salute to my victory against capitalism. Through my quiet brain I hear my mother cry “It’s 7 o’clock” and I scramble out of bed to go to work. And I go.


Tuesday, August 02, 2005

save me a seat

The first time i lay my eyes upon Justin must have been before I was four years old. I can’t remember much now more than blond hair and a smile, but I’m sure it was good times all around. The last time I saw him I can remember distinctly, but that wasn’t really Justin. Except when we were talking about skateboarding or Eminem of course. That was the real Justin. That was the Justin I’ll remember.

I remember once we were walking down the street when we were in primary school and there was a swarm of bees around this over turned can of coke. We began taking it in terms ‘exterminating’ them (it was in the public interest) by running in and stamping right in the middle of them in the hopes of getting a few. Some other kids came past and we tried to get them to join in but they told us to leave the bees alone. We called them scaredey cats, or something similar that would come out of a child’s mouth, but they said it was actually us who were afraid. That we were just doing it to kill the thing we were afraid of. Of course we argued and made fun of them until they left, and then I resumed the ‘extermination’. Justin had stopped and explained to me that even though those guys were clearly scaredey cats, we still shouldn’t do it because it wasn’t right to kill the bees considering they hadn’t even stung us. We spent the rest of the walk home trying not to tread on ants.

That’s not to say we always did the right thing. We used to walk down the road for as long as we could (we would count out loud) to show that the teachers were wrong when they said it was dangerous to play in the road. We cycled to school secretly for a whole year before our cycling proficiency test to prove to ourselves that it was all just a crock of shit (or something similar that would come out of a child’s mouth). We fought the law, but the law never won.

But maybe that’s because we were the good guys. Justin always was the hero of the story in the games we played. Not that it would make any difference because the games would just involve fighting and everyone would just get stuck in, but still, he wanted to fight for right. I just wish he’d carried on that fight.

He was a good guy though. He believed in me long before anyone else ever did. He once fought off a bully on my behalf while we were walking along, and just carried on our conversation while he did it. That’s the Justin I’ll remember. He was my friend. I’ve never known anyone like him. He was always the other Justin, but in truth he was the main Justin. I’ll miss him.