Monday, December 15, 2008

I know about Speakeasy's but what about regular law abiding folk?

Just some thoughts about something that's been bothering me - during prohibition, did fruit cocktail prices suddenly go through the roof to keep these bars afloat? Did people go to a bar and drink between 4 and 12 fruit cocktails in a night? Who would want so many fruit cocktails? Wouldn't all the sugar give them ulcers? Did they still puke up from drinking too much shit? Was that puke almost beautifully multi-coloured? Did people get sugar based hangovers? Were the hangovers like feeling sick after eating too many Maoam bars? Did people go to bars and just have water? Did they have to pay for the water? Did people order water and then cheekily add some Ribena under the table? Did anyone drink some Vimto for dutch courage? Was cordial counted as a spirit? Did people drink concentrated OJ out of shot glasses? Did people still pull at bars? Did people try and only pull people who had drunk the right fruity drink so they tasted like a nice fruit? Did ugly people have to dress up even more, as they knew that no-one would be drunk enough to pull them? Did bars even stay open? Did they stay open as late? Did people still stay until closing, or did they just go home when they were tired? Did people say "oi, everyone back to mine for some more smoothies"? Was there a mid-morning rush for people just wanting an apple juice with breakfast? Were the floors even stickier than usual? Were the toilets kept in suprisingly good conditions? Did they still smoke as much as ever while drinking non-alcholic crap? Did people realise that most barsnacks weren't actually that great? Did anyone bother to buy halves? Did everyone drive to the pub? Were there a shitload less fights? Or did everyones sugar rushes keep the nervous energy high enough for violence?

Were people not just bored out of their minds?

Monday, December 08, 2008

Fuck them pictures, we've taken enough shit from you already

It struck me the other day, like a turd in the face, a simple truth which was sickeningly obvious and yet necessarily avoided. We have been pushed to the edge. To the brink. Non-smokers have forced us out, cramming us into smaller and smaller spaces, but keeping us distracted by making that small space the conceptually gigantic "outside". From the once privileged position of being able to smoke where we pleased, blowing hazy "fuck yous" in whoever's face challenged us we are now no better than rats. To enjoy our dirty little habit we have to leave the safety and warmth of the group to huddle around a stinking bin in the stinking cold. Yes we might get 10 minutes off when others must stay at their desks, yes we get to have a conspiratorial chat away from our woes, and yes we might look cool, but huddling around a bin? In the cold? And the motherfucking rain? It's an abuse that we will never live down and never recover from. I know that's the point, but still, I hope that every smoker out there is still thinking "fuck you" deep down in their blackened heart, whenever a non-smoker tuts or coughs like a self righteous prick. I say thinking, because god knows we don't have the breath to say it every time.